The Vending Machine

You get your wallet back, but empty

I put my latest failure in it.

You get a court order for a patent infringement case.

I put a broken video card in the machine.

You get a note back which reads "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service". This is followed by a second note which reads "Also, put your damn pants on hippy."

I put a 5 inch floppy disk into the machine.

You get an afro wig.

I put an umbrella on the machine.

Some lady calling herself Mary comes and retrieves the umbrella leaving you with wonder.

I attach an antenna and wire them to the vending machine along with a phone. I push 1, 0, 3, and 5 on the phone. I also put my foot into the machine.

You got an ice cream shoe with extra syrup.

I give a look to the inner working of the machine.

You see the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. Also, a glimpse of Santa Claw's workshop of doom.

I put an iPhone into the machine.

you get your iphone back in pieces with a note that says "it's been touched"

i cut off my arm and shove it in

Deadpool jumps out of the machine and beats you with your own arm.

I push Deadpool back into the machine.

You get a paycheck from the Daily Buggle.

I put a 20 sided dice in the machine

After a brief period filling with grinding and whirring noises, you get the dice back. Every single face now bears a 1.
There is a note attached which reads: "Skill check THIS!"

I feed a logical paradox into the vending machine.

You get an error message written in binary.

I feed the machine a crayon.

You get the Mona Lisa.

I feed the machine some 8-track tapes.

You get a video disc of Micheal Jackson(video disc were the first laser disc technology for image, they were as large as 33 rpm vinyle record)

I put a roll of dental floss

You get a roll of duct tape.

I put my spaceship in.

You get a kayak. A SPACE kayak!

I put in a chinese Android tablet.

you get back a huge crab

i put in a olive

You get a glowing pickle missing a bite.

I put a rag doll in.

you get back chucky with a meat cleaver

i put in a slice of white bread